Tuesday, September 06, 2005
episode 12
A : R's parents divorce liao mah...
ME : HAR?!?
A : WTF? You dont know de meh?
ME: No...
A : Actually i also dont know one...ppl tell me one de...i though you as R's close friends already know one
ME : thinking...[close friends huh]
that made me think...close friend?...i have know R for so long...and i am close to R...but being clueless about R's background...worst not know that R's parents are divorce...it really hit me...close friends?
i feel so ashamed...
i feel so fucked up for not giving a damn about R's family...R's background...i dont even recall the last time asking R about R's life at home...and we regard this as 'close but can say best friend' relationship...
the conversation made me think of the past...wheter i have actually mention anything about 'parents' that might cause any intimidation or sadness to R...i feel so sorry for R...
i finally know why R only talks about the father...sorry...this isnt the first time being 'together' with someone not so unfortunate...teacher : who loves daddy?everyone raises up their hand...without thinking......except Q...thinking...sitting beside Q...i felt so sorry for Q...i knew what had happen to Q' father...i looked at Q' hand...I somehow could sense a few 100 kg was placed onto Q's hand...i couldnt do anything to help Q...i could only look at Q's hand...such a lousy friend i am...then the teacher started asking question on why we loves our father...one by one randomly...Q was nervous...i understand how Q felt...if Q didnt raise her hand...she will be the only one not raising up her hand...and the percentage of the teacher asking her about her father would even be much higher...luckily our teacher didnt ask Q...i felt relieved for Q...you might think that i am a bit over-sensitive or whatsoever...but still.............if such things were to happen to me...i would be a hopeless...lost and waiting to be found...it feels weird...because when i know someone isnt as fortunate as me...i feel that i have do treat that person a bit more special...a bit better...i am starting to think about R...i actually hated Q a lot...i cursed Q so much i dont even remember why...but after knowing Q's background...i pitied Q and started to treat Q better...Q says i am polite and kind......when i am just lying to myself........lost for words
