Nincompoop

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Monday, October 31, 2005

the kancil joke

haha...so my perverted counsin of mine send me this...though i cant understand most of them...but i had a good laugh at the last one... :P ...anyway...just read up till the end...

Thinking of getting a Kancil ?

Dear Lai Ma
The recent hoo-ha over a couple having sex inside a Kancil has spilled over to the 5Star. Many readers have written in to asked for our expert advice.
Our 5Star columnist, Ms Lai Ma(formerly a karaoke lounge singer), is more of a 'Mercedes type' rather than a 'Kancil type'. Nevertheless, she will try to answer your questions as best as she can. And we wish to remind you that the5Star is 5 times better than that lousy dipshit one-Star competitor.

Dear Lai Ma...
Every time I and my girlfriend make out in a Kancil, the car will start rocking up and down. This motion attracts the attention of passing cops who then come and park their motorcycle in front of the car. Is there a way to prevent the Kancil from rocking up and down? I have already changed the absorbers, tyres and even the cushion covers, but nothing works. I hope you don't mind my asking you this very technical question. - Nuclear Scientist

Dear Nuclear Scientist...
This is a very technical problem and needs very specialized knowledge to solve. I know that my departmental office boy makes out with his girlfriend in a Kancil in the car park at night. He uses a car jack to first jack up the side of the car a bit. When the weight of the car rests on four wheels and one jack, it will not rock very much. Don't be afraid to ask us technical questions. We, at the 5Star, are all very technical people.

Dear Lai Ma...
I have made out with guys in both Mercedes and Kancils. I find that I am able to achieve better orgasms inside a Kancil. Does that mean that Kancil drivers are better lovers than Mercedes drivers? - Beh Pai Seh

Dear Beh Pai Seh...
Kancil drivers are not better lovers. The reason why you have been getting better orgasms in a Kancil is because the car is very cramped inside, which gave you a much tighter feeling. The tighter the better mah......

Dear Lai Ma...
My boyfriend just bought a new Kancil and I find that there is not enough space in the back seat for proper lovemaking. My legs would stick out of the left window and his legs stick out of the right window. Do you think we should modify the car? - Miss Contort

Dear Miss Contort...
Your legs.....left window....his legs......right window. Oh...I understand now! Please do not, I repeat, do not attempt the "sixty-nine" position inside any car. Get a hotel room instead.

Dear Lai Ma...
We read so much about people having sex in a Kancil. My girlfriend and I decided to try it. So yesterday she went down on me in the front seat. But I find that the Kancil is really cramped, and her head keeps blocking me from reaching the gear shift. Is this normal? - First Timer

Dear First Timer...
You want to reach the gear shift, for what? Oh....my....gawd......!!! You are awesome !!!But I think that in future, before you and your girlfriend try oral sex, you should stop the car first.

Dear Lai Ma...
I hear everybody talking about having sex with kancil nowadays, like it is the hottest thing to do. I orso want. So I go to the jungle to see if I can catch a female kancil. But I catch nothing. Because I think everybody caught all the kancil already. Never leave some for me. Why like dat? Why the world so f***ed up? - Chin Tu Lan

Dear Tu Lan...
You are a pervert. Also retarded. Very. People have sex in Kancil, not with kancil. You understand the difference or not, idiot? Ni Na Beh. I don't want to answer this type of sick questions any more. And how many times must I tell you not to write to me? But my talkcock editor said that we are a 5 star paper and we should not discriminate against perverts. He said that dirty perverts need love too. What a moron. But okay, if you want to make love to Kancil, go right ahead. Just stick your d*** into the exhaust pipe, and have fun. And tell me which Kancil you are using. Because I want to come and start the engine

Sunday, October 30, 2005

wish...

28 K...

OMG!!!
*jaws drop to the floor*

then *faints

yeah...so today the Aid the Quake by sri cempaka at times square was pretty good...that fact that they had collected 28 K...haha...isnt the number 28 K self explainatory...

reached there at 10.30...waited in the entrance with patience for tj, kh and the rest...ended up waiting for 2 freaking hours!!!...*fuh*...

then i thought that they were in sungai wang...at red box...so i walked there

and yes...

there was no sign of them...

*sigh*

since there was no one...i thought all also fong fei kei...soi went home early loh

back home...
it was later learnt that stupid kimhai had cancelled the red box event without telling anyone of us...
it was also later learnt that they were actually there...just that they were having fun themselves at the Aid the Quake thingy...

arrrggg...ihateyouihateyouihateyouALL

come to think of it...i do have lots of patience standing there waiting idiotically...

i think i deserve a Nobel Prize for it...

=P

btw...while waiting...i have seen the cempakian...i think that i what they call themselves...if so then we are gardenians...ewww...

oh yah...back to the topic...i have seen the cempakians band rehearsing...and if i were the one of those times square management team...i would have kick those bloody students (some lah) out of the building...i dont think it approprite to rehearse in a so-called-mother-of-all-malls which is full of customers...even if they had to rehearse the least they could do was to at least of they pa system lar...

oh...yah...there was an old man complaining coz they were distrubing the pease lolz...

i enjoyed myself...despite being alone T.T

i like the performance by Cempaka Beat...damn cun

but the one who sang on the way down by ryan cabrera...god you suck...

anyway...they collected 28 k and congrats... ^^

11.06am...about to start...last minute preparations...

12.47 pm...ooh...Bleach

sungai wang...kinda ugly...

at some korean restaurant at sungai wang...kinda cool and nice...like that restaurant...coz you get to write messages and stick it onto the wall...

i like this one :P

i drew that one :P

fuh

so pissed of today....

whats the use of having a handphone when you NEVER reply any call...

idiots...

save the whales

tell your mama...

save the whales!!!

Saturday, October 29, 2005

bored...

my senses are getting weaker...

yesterday...a girl wished me goodbye outside the school...didnt know who she was...but didnt bother about her though...i just replied goodbye...

btw..i was walking to pizza hut...which was not so near yet not so far...managed to survived though...

yeah...after i came back...i suddenly realise the girl was actually yongenn...omg...haha...

some ppl just looks sooo different photos...

yeah...yongenn...in you pics your eyes looks bigger so...haha...couldnt recognize you :P...and...you seem so close with ivy they all so i thought you were someone in form 2

i was talking to shaun on the phone...coz i wanted to tell him i will help him to do someting...but it either he wasnt talking clearly...or either my ears a bit rosak...i was like what?...repeat?...pardon...anyway...since i couldnt understand what he was talking...i think he said that he will finish everything by himself...so erm...oh well...^^

btw...talking to teng gay on the phone a few hundred year ago...its like talking to myself...coz i couldnt hear his voice...

at least talking to kenhing on the phone can hear a bit lah...haha

and kimi sounds soooo gentle on the phone...the first and last time she called me...i didnt expected she was kimi...coz...the voice was just to gentle and soft and loving...uuugh...

Friday, October 28, 2005

happy farewell

I'M HAPPY because

1. Ivan Lai got the post...weeeeeeeeeeeeeee...he's now officially our President of the Student Council ^^v...for those who voted for him...thank you...thank you ..thank you...i shall love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever for the rest of my life ^^ ...it sounded like i won the post instead of him haha

anyway...the voting started at 8.10am...i was in-charge of the Form 1...could say majority of them voted for Shoma lah...of course i was nervous and scared for Ivan...the idea of cheating keep on flashing through my mind...but but...i couldnt...it doenst matter now though...

yeah...so the apparent reason why ms. vasinthi didnt want the number of votes to be said out...was because some candidates...didnt even managed to get 50 votes above[judging from the votes collected lah]...which is kinda you know...

i dont know the exact number of votes because ms. vasinthi didnt trust the form 4 and ME...so she didnt want us to do the vote counting...uugh...so she had ask the form 2 prefects...

anyway...

good thing ivan remembered to mention my name...^^

2. the damn e-magazine is FINNALY done and complete...

its freaking ugly though sorry to say... =( ...which is none of my fault =P...seriously...i only did the only a few pages and haha...i got most of the credits for doing nothing...

3. coz its a holiday week next week...^^v

4. coz tj brought the cds...yay...

I'M SAD because

1. its the last day of the from 5 prefects...noooooooooooooo...gonna miss them so much... T.T ...*sigh*...i enjoy bullying them and crapping and bullshiting with them...haha...gonna seriously miss them...

so the form 5 had a short meeting with us...a lot mini farewell speeches...*sigh again*

family pic...

the blur blur version...

them and the form 2

them and the form 3

them and the form 4

...all pics looks the same lah....just that different ppl in it only... :P

2. because dick is leaving...going to china...
no one will hug me and swing me 360° or fly me kisses...
T.T

Joshua's BIGGEST crush

3. because i'm broke...
no money to go to times square this sunday *sniff sniff*

4. i look like shit in all pics above :P

Thursday, October 27, 2005

die to lie

Bleach
watch it at 5.00am in the morn...rocks

Class
today in history...all of us bekerjasama bergotong-royong membersihakan kelas kita berlandaskan nilai nilai moral seperti keharmonian antara manusia dan alam sekitar dan lain lain lagi :P...even when ms doh had threaten us...our class have never look this clean today...

you see...we're throwing this bounceable mini ball around the class...however it keeps on hitting the books/bags/bottle making the game less fun and dangerous...so we cleacn up all our tables...and *tada*...our clean could have undoubtly win the best cleanliness of the year :P...then we were ready to play...

i was hit by the ball a few times...

Student Council
tomorrow is the day!!!
ppl use your brain and vote for the right candidate!!!
the whole school area was decorated with lots of hanging poster...and i bet all 6 contestant are praying that it doesnt rain today and tomorrow...or else all their hard working will be gone with the rain...

anyway...today shoma kinda sabotage other contestant's campaign by critisizing their plans and stuff...cant think of the word...i didnt like it...only sore losers will be capable of doing such idiotic kamikaze action...why critisize other ppl's vision/mission...you sore loser...hope you lose...haha...and i mean it...

Examination Results
officially 70% and above...able to retain my schorlarships...weeee

Holidays
plan to study for spm >.<

Ivan
VOTE FOR IVAN...need i say more?

*yawn*

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

remember the name...ivan lai

spm registration today...hopefully i dont regret lah...

today...
sharveen did some campaign by giving some speeeh...which kinda failed...due to tons of reason...but thenmainly because i dont think he doesnt have any supporters...then it was ivan's turn...i tried to stand next to him...but then still cannot hear what he was saying :P...but then still rocks lah... :P

eizaaz have been hanging lots and lots of his faces...shoma concentrates on his 'persuasion' skills while shing lung and selena seems to do nothing...tomorrows the last day to campaign...

weeeeeeeeeeeeee...

last reminder to all people
VOTE FOR IVAN LAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pic stolen from his flyer...

ever received a deodorant as a gift...

i did...
*pretending to smile at foo* :P

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

this friday will be the 'voting day'

anouncement...

the voting day shall be this friday...

the votes shall be counted on that very day and most probably the results will be out on that very day...maybe only ah...

for those who still havent decide yet

for those who have already decide...re-think carefully again and

:P

ohyah...today...all 6 of the contestant have posted their 'posters'...most of them sucks lah...to be honest...

while hunting for more bleach...i found

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...so cute^^
*goes off hunting for MORE!!!*

credits to misau citrus

Monday, October 24, 2005

hate the rehearsal today...

douglas can sing...oooh...

but...justin really suprised me...he can sing...he can sing damn well... O.o ...haha...in class so quiet...but then wah lau...can sing man...with feeling somemore... >.<

weeeeeeeeeeeeee...student council thingy...very chi kit...

ivan go go go...

moral was ^^...

Sunday, October 23, 2005

the guy

after 16 years and 7 days breathing and still breathing...
i dont find dumb ppl entertaining...

i just find them dumb...

utterly dumb...

ppl who are poor in their studies are not dumb ppl...they are just lazy...are what i mean by dumb ppl are ppl who dont understand any freaking thing you say...despite long and repeated explainations yada yada yada...ppl where your instincts tells you that that person is dumb...

ppl who are dumb are dumb in nature...

ppl who are dumb are born dumb...

i find the word stupid rather harsh...so i dont use it to describe these unlucky ppl...i find the word dumb cute though O=)

ppl think min tat is dumb...

even some teachers think so...*sigh*...such teachers should perish to the deepest level of hell...

and yeah...i think the same way...haha...but you cant blame me...i just got influenced... :P

last 2 week on tues...when others were busy with their bio paper...i was dumped into 4kC...since i wasnt taking bio paper...sigh those other tm student didnt come...leave me all alone T.T...jerks

but then quite fun lah...everyone was talking about min tat right in front of his face...haha...then while they went out...suddenly the teacher talk to min tat about his dreams...[it was only me+min tat+teacher inside the classroom...the others erm ponteng?]...

while he was talking about his dreams...i found myself laughing...

*sigh sigh sigh* i should perish to the deepest level of hell myself...choi

while chatting with min tat today...

Eric says:
vote for joshua?

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
ya

Eric says:
for what?

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
he is great

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
charmming

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
smart

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
cute

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
playful

Eric says:
no..i mean vote for what

Eric says:
for what persatuan?

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
police cadet

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
ya

Eric says:
oh

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
i mean the prom king

Please Vote For Joshua science 2 is For The Future!! says:
and for the student counsil

*speechless* & *confused*

on the other hand...

Josh says:
i see i have a secret admirer

Saturday, October 22, 2005

hungry...

the corpse bride was like *yawn*

its just plain boring...nothing near my expectations

i'm hungry

always hungry...

those islam ppl memang keng...can puasa from sunup to sundawn...

miss doh once said msdonald have this buffet thingy...rm18 eat-all-you-can...but mcdonalds near my house tak ada this promotion...how sad...i would have gobbled down every single nuggets they have...muahahaha

i went for a mission to search for foods...

sad thing is that our fridge is relatively empty...and forever will be empty...once my dad bought a carton of milo...in just 3 days...*poof*...gone...dont even mention those carbonated drinks...probably in just a day...*poof*...the whole carton down the lai family stomachs...

and talk about chocolates and snacks...oftenly in just a few minutes...i dont even realise that i have finish them...

i think my parents deliberately avoids food-shopping nowadays to save money... T.T

sigh...

but then i, eric lai chee kuan, found something...

my ONE-DAY-OLD-MACDONALD-STRAWBERRY-SUNDAE

*still hungry*

my name =P

..................................................................................

presenting the story featuring kon and kon

produced by some 'imaginary' friend of mine

*tada*

one night...in the darkest corner on earth

arrrrrrrrrgg get lost!!!!!!

i know it sucks...and btw it is not what you think...they were just erm..merely sleeping over each other...thats all

bye...

why ivan?

from a head prefect point of view...

1. his shirt is always tuck inside... weeeeeeee...
2. his hair is always short and neat...
3. he's sweeping the floor? shows that he is hardworking yada yada yada
4. look at hauyee...giving full concentration full of lovesss towards ivan...ini membuktikan bahawa ivan mempunyai daya tarikan yang kuat...haha
5. funny & horny :D

.........i cant think anything else other than bleach right now...

ivan...jia you ^^v

to the rest...good luck lah...haha

[ps>> i wasnt paided/bribed whatsoever...unlike sachie :P ]

how cheerful can a leader be :P

ivan!!! ivan!!! ivan!!! ivan!!! ivan!!!

*faints*

Friday, October 21, 2005

it hot...

the nominees are OUT!!!

who will be your next student council president...

could it be SHING LOONG>>>the guy who's soooooooooooo lazy yet gifted with the brain of a scientist...

could it be SHARVIN>>>the guy who er...i dont know him well haha

or could it the only female contestant and former vice president>>>SELENA TEE...the one always gets first in every single damn examinations...[i remember once her marks with the 2nd in the whole form was a 100 marks difference *yikes*]

or could it be EIZAAZ>>>the black...haha...the one who joins every damn thing in the world...

but any chances for SHOMA>>>the popular one whose name is so special it makes me dream of him all the time...[no i dont]

or could it be IVAN LAI>>>the one

:P

i practise favourtism...chui ah

i would say the nominees this year are fair and close lah...but then i would definitely be voting for ivan...must support cousin mah...then i have my own personal reasons also :P

weeeeeeeeeee...VOTE FOR IVAN!!!

or anyone else

Thursday, October 20, 2005

ssshhhh...

wanna lend a helping hand to the quake victims? if so, pls donate $$$ or be present at the fund raising event itself, at Times Square, 30th October, 2005, 11 am to 6pm... Reach out a hand and help those in need..you never know what miracle you could bring to the less fortunate...

with lotsa love, the prefects board of Sri Cempaka

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

alibaba

happy with my results weeeeeee...

i dont really care about wheter i had improved or rather deproved or what...i just cared whether i had an average of 70% above...

:D

now i just need to get a 90% and above for my attendance...

Monday, October 17, 2005

the day after...

talk about sunway...its was fun...

there were 6 extra tickets but i manage to sell them in an instant muahaha

weird thing was that there was a lot and lots of indians and those punjabs ppl...kinda funny to see hairy hairy ppl all over the place lah

>.<'

and we went to kalahari kids area...a "new" attraction only for kids...but wth...we went in...and boy was it fun..i just dont get it why only for kids...after all the stuff inside are kinda dangerous for kids... i hate those kids inside...theyre annoying...

fortunately ai lin was tall enough for all rides...but she was the only one to be pushed by the waves... furthest somemore...and it was funny when she had to be rescued by the lifeguard...i shall not elaborate further... =P

the indians over there are seems to be drugged...they were shaking it in the pool with those indian hits song...wah lau...the mood was so high over there...

ken hing...the way you swim/float/sink...you could have been killed by anyone...

imagine this...youre sitting in the pool...the pool was crystal blue...the sky was nice...the waves were gentle...everything was so peaceful...then suddenly this very yeong sui guy aka YEONG KEN HING from 4scT...just pops out of the water right beside you...and youre looking at him...and then suddenly...he ''spits'' water at you... /omg

the water was badly polluted by kenhing T.T

ohyah...did i mention that i saw some ppl freach kissing in the wet park...oolala...its like watching a live porn thingy haha...even kitli saw them...so yerrr haha

i am so not going to forget those 'anal' moments

holding hands and moving in a circle around the mushroom with waterfalls falling on our head while singing the birthday song causing many ppl looking at us...haha...i will not forget about that too :P another year had just passed by *sigh*